Humans seem to have an affinity for labeling things in order to better understand them. Ideally when we understand better, we become more satisfied with our own existence. Sharon Wegsheider-Cruse (1989) helped the world by finding accurate words to describe roles we take on in order to protect our-self in a chemically addicted family. These same roles can be attributed to various dysfunctional families even where abuse or neglect does not appear present on the surface. Each generation has taboos that permeate the masses. One constant that can be multi-generational are the dysfunctional attributes created in an environment where one is not speak their mind, not taught how to express emotions, and crave attention from emotionally unavailable parent(s). The four survival roles Cruse mentions include the hero child, the scapegoat, lost child, and mascot or clown.
The hero child can be any age but carries certain characteristics and feel compelled to rescue the other misguided members of the family. A young hero can be a seven year old cooking their own breakfast, waking mom or dad up, and protecting other siblings from the physical or emotional abuse of their parents by carrying the weight of abuse on their shoulders. A teenage hero oftentimes will make good grades at school, be a star athlete, or even hold down a part time job well balancing household responsibilities. The hero may continue rescuing others into adulthood as family members may need rescuing from abusive relationships, financial problems, or emotional turmoil.
The scapegoat child gets the blame for everything that has ever gone wrong in the family. When all of the dishes are dirty and none of the laundry is clean, it is the scapegoat’s fault for not taking out the trash…Not a lot of logic there but then there is not a lot of logic in an unhealthy home. The scapegoat may steal, lie, fight with peers, or get suspended for various things. This allows the family to focus their negative attention in one place and keeps the child alive because they serve as a distraction to the unhealthy system in place.
The lost child might be the middle child, or it may just be the child who chooses another reality. No, not literally, but a fantasy world of video games may be safer than the real violence or neglect in the family. In a video game no one judges grades, housework, or yells for no reason. The players in a game can earn experience, health, intelligence, endurance, strength, dexterity, and/or willpower. One can fight for the lives in one game or be a god with minions obeying their command in another. The lost child has learned silence shields them from being a part of the family drama. The family may label them as the “good but quiet” one because they do not cause trouble, but then they do not do much of anything in the regular world.
The mascot or clown child is characterized by being charming, care free, and can make anyone laugh. The child may be a class clown or the board member that provides comic relief in an otherwise stuffy workplace. The mascot child may know there are problems in the family, but not know the extent of the beatings, addiction, 2:00am screaming matches, neglect, or other affliction. They may appear delicate if any are allowed to see beneath the façade of their humor.
Each role keeps the family operating as a unit and keeps the child developing these characteristics safe. Any deviations from these roles can leave an adult child labeled as the “crazy” one and no longer welcome as part of the family unit. Usually when a an adult child is able to re-parent themselves and develop healthy, functional relationships with others, they can be rejected by immediate family members that want to remain in their self absorbed, blood stained, erratic existence. Comment with your story if you have survived a chemically addicted or dysfunctional family system and removed those defects of character developed in childhood.