Parents often find themselves spending most their time with their children. Adult time is a rarity and most parents rejoice at the brief moments when they can have a conversation. Some parents feel they cannot make time to talk to another adult and end up pouring their hearts out to their children. Your child is not your friend, therapist, or sounding board. Childhood is so brief, it is extremely important to let them remain children without the burdens of adulthood. Below are three signs you may be sharing too much of your life with your child.
- Telling them about your work stress.
The occasional example of a stressful time is okay to tell your child. You can use it as a lesson in how to handle adversity. Likely your child experiences stress at school and can relate to having a hard day. However, if you are coming home every night and telling details of your horrible day, this can cause undue stress on your child.
- Complaining about your partner to your child.
Partners disagree sometimes, this is normal and unavoidable. Coming to a compromise and arguing effectively can strengthen a relationship. Putting your child in the middle of disagreements can lead to confusion and distress. A child may feel like they need to take sides or start blaming themselves for the household drama. Keep your disagreements with your partner between the two of you and your child can focus on what they should be, being a child.
- Sharing trauma you experienced as a child.
Most parents want their child to have a better experience growing up than they did. Unfortunately, comparing your childhood to theirs and telling them about it can be emotional abuse. Telling a child “you have it better than I did because when I was a kid…” can be okay if it is a small example. When you start telling them about physical, emotional, and sexual abuse you experienced, you are continuing the cycle of emotional abuse and those memories will remain with your child the rest of their lives.
I’ll leave you with this: Let your children be children and make the time to spend with adults.
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