Boundaries are an important part of a child’s development. Some children are prone to running up and hugging anyone, and it is parent’s jobs to remind them that is not okay to do. Most of the year parents do well to teach their children personal space, staying away from strangers, and distancing themselves if someone makes them uncomfortable. Then all of a sudden, it’s holiday season and those rules go out the window! Children are told “go give [insert relative] a hug!” Oftentimes these may be extended family members a child may have never met.
Alternative forms of affection can be implemented, which respect boundaries and still show relatives you care about your kids getting to know them. A wave, handshake, or fist bump are common examples of acceptable greetings. Another way to encourage your child to show appreciation for the relative is to have them make a thank you card or a family picture that includes all of the new family members they are meeting.
Every generation has different ideas of what is acceptable and we all have those pushy relatives that will not take no for an answer. In these instances, it is important not to blame your child for their resistance of physical affection. Rather than saying “Johnny is just really shy,” explain that “we are teaching Johnny to respect personal space.”
A topic no one wants to think about is the possibility that a family member may be a sexual offender. In all of the news stories, the family had no idea. Even convicted child abusers have family in denial and disbelief because they “are just such a good person.” According to experts about the child sexual abuse statistics, the numbers of children sexually abused is likely much higher than what is reported. Studies have shown:
- 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse;
- Self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident;
- During a one-year period in the U.S., 16% of youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
- Over the course of their lifetime, 28% of U.S. youth ages 14 to 17 had been sexually victimized;
- Children are most vulnerable to child sexual abuse between the ages of 7 and 13.
[Statistics provided by Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of Crimes Against Children Research Center, www.victimesofcrime.org]
Oh and 3 out 4 were victimized by someone they knew!!!
Enjoy this holiday season and cherish time with family, but ease up on the “you have to go hug…” because really, you don’t have to hug Grandpa.
