Many people grew up with less than holly jolly holidays. Childhood memories can range from basic family drama to extremely abusive or neglectful situations. Below is a dramatization of a holiday memory that could later lead to Grinch tendencies.

Rebecca was ten years old and already caring for her younger sister as a mother would. It was her job to make sure her sister was fed, clothed, and clean. Naturally, Christmas also fell on her shoulders. Their mother did not have money to buy any presents, but was able to get donations from local charities. With her mother busy at work (supposedly), it was Rebecca’s job to sort/wrap presents and decorate for Christmas. She wrote in her best handwriting on her own presents… “love, Santa”. Just a few short years earlier, Rebecca used to write letters to Santa wishing for time with her mother. Rebecca thought if she could just make everything perfect for Christmas that her mother might stay home with them. Instead, Rebecca was woken at 5am by her mother, who was headed out the door and told “get up, it’s time for you to play Santa”. And Rebecca made her way to the closet to start putting toys under the Christmas tree.

In this example, Rebecca will likely develop memories of Christmas as a time of abandonment, stress, and sleep deprivation. Luckily, these memories do not have to define the future. It is possible to create new traditions with your own family and prioritize family time. Below are just a few tips to try if you want to relearn how to have a good Christmas.

• Buy holiday décor with a close friend or family member, then decorate together while listening to music.
• If traditional Christmas carols trigger unpleasant feelings, try alternative holiday music like country or rock.
• Put Christmas presents under the tree after your kids have gone to bed for the evening, there’s no reason to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and you want to be well rested for when the kids wake up.
• Reduce the stress level of Christmas by putting boundaries on the number of people you will visit. If you just saw relatives on Thanksgiving, it is okay to pass on Christmas dinner this year.

Remember self-care is just as important as caring for others. If you have ever been on an airplane, during the safety review, they always say to put your oxygen mask on first and then your child’s. This is because you have to be able to breath to help the person next to you. Keep that in mind the next time you feel overwhelmed during the holidays. Take a step back and make sure you have enough oxygen.

Merry Christmas!