Cleanliness is like happiness…it’s relative! I live with my fiancé and we both work all day. Not a lot happens to create a mess or dirt or chaos. The minute you have kids, guests, pets or whatever the standard of what is “clean” may change. Toys and laundry piled high does not necessarily mean your home is a mess or “dirty”.

Decide what your definition of clean is, then hold yourself accountable. My favorite way to feel accomplished in chaos is by making lists and checking off tasks that have been accomplished. No one sees it, no one judges it and the list is a visual representation of achievements (however small). Too often, we do not give ourselves credit for what we do. Instead we focus on areas that fall short.

Let’s look at Shatia and Bob:

Shatia lives with her boyfriend, 2 teenage kids, 2 dogs, and the occasional pest infestation. Her ideal version of cleanliness is zero clutter, all of the dishes clean, no pests, no food in the kids rooms, backpacks hung in their place, everything swept, vacuumed, pet hair cleaned off surfaces, garden watered and all of the laundry not just clean, but also ironed and put away.
She works full time and her boyfriend, Bob, works part time. Shatia’s version of clean definitely does not match Bob’s version of clean. Being that he has more time at home, Bob tries to complete the majority of household chores to ease her workload after an 8-10 hour day.

Bob’s version of clean includes zero pests, watered the outside, dishes clean (not necessarily put away), laundry clean (in piles is okay), and he makes sure to feed the kids, dogs and himself. In conjunction with his job, the additional household tasks makes his work week basically a full time job.

Shatia’s expectations of cleanliness mean that Bob’s efforts will always fall short. She may come home, see him sitting down watching TV, look around and see the “mess,” instantly infuriated and either engage in an argument or stew in silence.

Regardless of the conflict that may or may not ensue, having different ideas of a clean home will continually lead to familial discord.

The solution??? Communication and compromise! Bob and Shatia must sit down, figure out what they realistically want, and make an action plan to achieve their mutual goals.

What is clean in one home may be a mess in another and you know what? That’s okay! We all have different lives and different responsibilities. The picture perfect, magazine home is not necessary to have a happy home. Figure out what works for you and give yourself credit for doing those things well.