You hear it in therapy all the time, “you need better boundaries.” Okay now…what’s that mean? To put it vaguely, it is where one thing ends and the other begins.
A doorway without an actual door, is still a boundary. People poke their head or knock before coming from my lobby into my office. An emotional boundary is the same concept but to protect our own well being. Here are four boundaries we can all benefit from enforcing:
1. Saying “No.” – It can be tempting to drop everything for someone else’s benefit over and over again, but that can lead to an empty shell of a person win nothing left to give. When someone needs help but it would put you in a difficult place to meet your own needs, say “No” without guilt by reminding yourself that you are important too.

2. Only take responsibility for yourself. – When we are doing well, healing, or have had a similar experience as someone else it makes sense to want to fix their problems and tell them how. When others do not listen to unsolicited advice it can build resentments. Instead of offering to fix, try listening and offering solutions only if asked.

3. Communicate wants/needs. – Some people expect us to read their minds and know what they want without saying anything! Then they will get mad when we do not do it. A good way to get what you want/need is to say it out loud! If the other person has good boundaries, they will say no if they want to.

4. Share the same amount as another person. – Getting to know someone happens in stages. The way I see self disclosure happening is small talk, then interests, then good things about their upbringing, then values/beliefs, then if in a close friendship or seriously dating one’s difficulties in their past. It can be tempting to close off completely and not share anything if you know codependency is a danger zone for you, but with healthy conscious boundaries codependency does not have to happen.