Tag Archives: communication

Three Tips: Keeping a Relationship Strong in an Untraditional Living Situation

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Whether it is a multigenerational home, a friend or other relative living in the home, many families have chosen untraditional living situations. The traditional family consists of two parents and their children. Becoming more commonplace is additional individuals in the home. The biggest factor that comes to mind for living this way is finances. Either one or both families under the same roof may benefit from additional contributions to household bills. Another reason may just be wanting to be close to loved ones you would normally see infrequently if living apart. My family is a good example, I live with my sister, her fiancé, and their son. Living with a third party may impact your relationship, but there are ways to keep your relationship thriving despite the decreased privacy and increased mouths to feed.

  1. Quality Time

    Having another person living under the same roof may mean less one on one time with your partner. It is essential to carve out time for just the two of you where you can keep the romance of your relationship strong. By romance I do not mean just in the bedroom. Going to dinner, seeing a movie, and going for a walk can all be ways to maintain romance in a relationship. The extra person in the home may even be to your benefit if you have children and they are willing to babysit while you have quality time with your partner.

  2. Appreciation

    The hustle and bustle of life can normally lead to forgetfulness in showing appreciation in any relationship. Living with another person or persons in the home can shift the focus of many families to logistics of everyday life. It is important to take the time to express to your partner that you are grateful for their acts of service, patience, and affirm your love for one another.

  3. Communication

    The ability to express your thoughts and feelings to your partner is paramount for all relationships. Communication can oftentimes make or break a relationship. Picking your battles is a common phrase used to describe little conflicts in relationships. However, letting little things pile up can lead to resentments and fuel for future arguments. A good rule of thumb in arguing is if you argue for more than ten minutes then you are no longer discussing the original issue. Remaining calm in disagreements and using “I” statements can facilitate productive conversations.

Transitioning from Cohabitation to Marriage

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More and more people are living together nowadays prior to getting married. The commitment of living together is not one to be taken lightly. The decision says you are on the track to spending the rest of your lives together but may not be ready to fully merge your lives entirely. It is essential that both partners be on the same page about cohabitating. For instance, whether it will lead to marriage or not. The chances of having a successful relationship whether living together or not, is to have conversations early in the relationship about expectations. Unfortunately, many couples skip this step and go from sleepovers to living together without having the important discussions.

Let’s assume you and your partner have communicated effectively, lived together for an agreed upon amount of time, and are ready to make the commitment of marriage. What does this mean for the relationship? Well it differs for everyone. Oftentimes finances have remained separate in living together and may merge in a marital relationship. Another aspect of a relationship that can change is child rearing. If one person has a child and was making most parental decisions and discipline techniques, marriage may mean each person has equal parental authority.

Motivations of getting married after living together should be discussed. Is the institution of marriage something both people value or is it just the thing you are “supposed” to do? Values and morals must be communicated to ensure both individuals are clear on “deal breakers”. A deal breaker is something one cannot get past and will surely end the relationship. One concept of marriage is that through anything the couple will prevail. The high divorce rate in our society indicates more and more “irreconcilable differences”.

The fear of losing a loved one of several years can prevent people from having the necessary conversations that come prior to marriage. Conversations about child rearing, religion, finances, career goals, household expectation, and sexual expectations can make or break a relationship. Personally I would rather know prior to cohabitation that these are compatible areas of life. However, if you have already entered into a cohabitating relationship, then by talking about life you can strengthen your relationship. If it ends the relationship, then it wasn’t meant to be.

If you are unsure how to begin discussions with your partner, consider premarital counseling. Having a third party facilitate communication can strengthen the bond between a couple and increase the likelihood of a lifelong marriage.