More and more people are living together nowadays prior to getting married. The commitment of living together is not one to be taken lightly. The decision says you are on the track to spending the rest of your lives together but may not be ready to fully merge your lives entirely. It is essential that both partners be on the same page about cohabitating. For instance, whether it will lead to marriage or not. The chances of having a successful relationship whether living together or not, is to have conversations early in the relationship about expectations. Unfortunately, many couples skip this step and go from sleepovers to living together without having the important discussions.
Let’s assume you and your partner have communicated effectively, lived together for an agreed upon amount of time, and are ready to make the commitment of marriage. What does this mean for the relationship? Well it differs for everyone. Oftentimes finances have remained separate in living together and may merge in a marital relationship. Another aspect of a relationship that can change is child rearing. If one person has a child and was making most parental decisions and discipline techniques, marriage may mean each person has equal parental authority.
Motivations of getting married after living together should be discussed. Is the institution of marriage something both people value or is it just the thing you are “supposed” to do? Values and morals must be communicated to ensure both individuals are clear on “deal breakers”. A deal breaker is something one cannot get past and will surely end the relationship. One concept of marriage is that through anything the couple will prevail. The high divorce rate in our society indicates more and more “irreconcilable differences”.
The fear of losing a loved one of several years can prevent people from having the necessary conversations that come prior to marriage. Conversations about child rearing, religion, finances, career goals, household expectation, and sexual expectations can make or break a relationship. Personally I would rather know prior to cohabitation that these are compatible areas of life. However, if you have already entered into a cohabitating relationship, then by talking about life you can strengthen your relationship. If it ends the relationship, then it wasn’t meant to be.
If you are unsure how to begin discussions with your partner, consider premarital counseling. Having a third party facilitate communication can strengthen the bond between a couple and increase the likelihood of a lifelong marriage.
