The effects of trauma may continue into adult lives and relationships with others. Trauma survivors often have abandonment issues and do not believe anyone can really be trusted. People sometimes think of themselves as not being worthy of an intimate and compassionate relationship. These beliefs can have an impact on their adult relationships through the rest of their life. Conversely, by recognizing these cognitive distortions, healing can occur. Trauma survivors are not irreparably doomed by their past but they can be affected by their past in ways that may not be apparent.
- Becoming approval seekers and losing one’s identity in the process.
A trauma survivor may not express overt symptoms such as flashbacks or nightmares. One way a person may have learned to survive in childhood is to become approval seeking. A good example is the one child in an abusive family who gets straight A’s in school, appears outgoing and always cheerful. This can translate into adult life as being the hardest worker in their department, volunteering excessively, and tackling any opportunity that may present approval from others. These traits may not sound problematic, but they can be when one’s identity is lost because most their existence is focused on gaining approval from others.
- Frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
The same approval seeker in the above section may take any criticism personally and fear rejection from others. An employer may have a new way of doing something and correct an individual. A trauma survivor may react to this by being frightened their job is in jeopardy and think that they are not good enough to be doing their work.
- Confusing love and pity, leading to loving people who need “rescuing”.
Without being aware of it, trauma survivors may seek out ways to relive trauma and “fix” it. For example, an adult child of an alcoholic may find themselves in a relationship with an alcoholic partner. Trauma cannot be resolved this way unless both people are willing to work on changing the cyclical aspects of trauma that accompanies the family dynamic.
The traits listed in this article are an adaptation of three of the Laundry List Traits. The Laundry List consists of 14 traits adults develop who were raised in alcoholic or other dysfunctional families.
Adult Children of Alcoholics®/Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization, Inc. http://www.adultchildren.org | information@acawso.com | +1(310) 534-1815
