Detaching from unhealthy people can be difficult especially if they are long term friends, family, or a significant other. As for family, they do not have to be cut out of your life to detach from their unhealthy influence over you. You can separate yourself from the drama, they may not like it at first, but being firm about boundaries can allow you to love your family and separate from their negativity. Below are three steps for separating from negative people.

1. Identify what you need in a healthy relationship – Oftentimes we can think of the negatives much more readily than positives. It is important to know what you want from a relationship, any relationship. If you are not sure what these attributes are, ask someone you view as having healthy relationships or do some research online.
2. Explore how continued immersion in the other person’s life is hurting you – This may be a significantly longer list than the healthy aspects and can provide perspective on how necessary it is for your wellbeing to detach from them.
3. Begin distancing yourself emotionally and stop reacting to their negativity – When we feel attacked by someone’s words, it is natural to get defensive. This can lead to screaming matches, which in the end have nothing to do with the original disagreement. Try not to take their words personally, and instead of engaging in fighting try using “I statements” such as “I think,” “I feel,” “I want,” etc. If the other person refuses to have a calm discussion, use an I statement to remove yourself from the conflict. For example, “I am unable to continue this right now,” and leave the situation.

Separating from negativity does not have to mean cutting someone out of your life. A negative person as I mentioned early, can be someone very close to you. There are ways to effectively have better boundaries with negative people to eliminate their impact on you. If you do find it best to completely disengage from a negative relationship, that is okay too. In the end, doing what is healthiest for our survival is our best self-care.