Tag Archives: lgbt

Anxiety & Depression in LGBT Dating

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Mental health is a factor in any relationship. To have a healthy relationship, it is important to be aware of some of the pitfalls that can occur. This post is specifically for LGBT relationships but some concepts may be applicable to any dating couple. The LGBT community faces additional hardships in relationships due to the societal implications of being open about one’s sexual orientation. A concept which one day should not matter, in today’s dating world there are things to be discussed regarding anxiety and depression within an LGBT relationship. Continue reading

Domestic Violence in LGBTQ Relationships

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Special thanks to my friend Catherine McConnell who wrote this article. With over 10 years experience, she specializes in treating severe trauma and emotional and psychological issues affecting residents of the Arlington, Texas area.

Domestic Violence is a well-known topic that affects all kinds of relationships. What is not well known, however, is just how often this happens in non-heterosexual populations. We do know that this is the third most serious health problem affecting gay men today behind HIV/AIDS and substance abuse. The reason this is a worrisome statement is that we know that this issue is severely underreported. There are a lot of reasons for this: Research is primarily focused on normative heterosexual relationships and funding is sparse for the study of “special populations.” In many areas there can be an anti-LGBTQ bias- several states do not protect homosexual partners under their domestic laws, and even then they only protect live in partners; Domestic Violence shelters are usually geared towards females; which can limit access for transgender populations; And perhaps most damning of all: Those in LGBTQ populations often do not want to report because they do not want to impact the progress made towards acceptance of these relationships.

For the sake of simplicity I’m going to assume that most are familiar with the broad categories of domestic violence: physical violence (putting hands on another person in any form), emotional abuse (name-calling, dismantling self esteem, isolating a partner from social support), and sexual abuse (coerced sexual contact or unwanted sexual contact of any kind). However, there are some forms of domestic abuse that are very specific to LGBTQ relationships:

  • “Outing” or threatening to out a partner who is not ready to admit their sexual orientation to others
  • Playing on fears that nobody will help because the person is bisexual, gay, or transgender
  • Defining for your partner that they “deserve” the abuse because of their sexual orientation
  • Justifying the abuse because your partner is “not really” gay or bisexual
  • Telling the partner that this is a normal part of a LGBTQ relationship
  • Making the abuse appear as mutual or consensual (this does not include truly consensual S&M relationships)
  • Using offensive pronouns such as “shim” or “it” to refer to a transgender partner
  • Ridiculing a transgender partner’s appearance or body, or implying that a partner is “not really” transgender
  • Telling your partner that he/she is “not really” a man/woman
  • Denying access to medical treatment or hormones

It can be embarrassing for anyone to admit that they are being abused, but in a world where these relationships still have a stigma about them it can be almost impossible to muster the courage to report these kind of difficulties.

There are several reasons that the LGBTQ population is at higher risk for these problems. There is such a stigma in this population already that it can be difficult to report something that may create more. This is referred to as the “double closet”- having to hide both and LGBTQ orientation and domestic violence. There are similar barriers to reporting in heterosexual relationships as well: low self esteem, not being taken seriously by authorities, isolation from family, and lack of support from others who would rather not get involved.

It’s important that this problem is acknowledged, and treated, in every community. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you do not deserve to be abused.  The mental health community is working every day to educate ourselves and to be allies for all kinds of relationships. If you think that you are being abused please do not hesitate to reach out.

Learn more about Catherine McConnell by visiting her website: http://catherinemcounseling.com/

History of Homosexuality

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b69ee09f94402ef9b7612db225c4cab6The book, Homosexuality and Civilization, is an in-depth look at homosexuality throughout various cultures and countries in history.  Early Greece was rife with allusions to same sex encounters, most famous being the Illiad, which used the term paiderastia, meaning boy love; additionally, many works of art, war, and literature contained references to same-sex attractions.  Around the same timeframe, not too far away, the authors of Leviticus, a book in the Old Testament of the Bible, would make history calling same-sex affairs an “abomination” and that they should be killed (Crompton, 2003).  The most common reasoning for the anti-homosexual mandate in Leviticus is the concern for procreation at the time.  Not as austere as Palestine, but not as drastic as Greece, the Romans maintained a position in which they recognized same sex attraction but did not see it as the deepest personal connection between two people.  

The Romans did not consider same-sex relationships particularly beneficial or detrimental.  When Christianity began to be prevalent, the Gospels of the Bible refrained from mentioning anything about same-sex relationships and various theories as to why include speculation that Jesus himself may have been attracted  to males (Crompton, 2003).  Garnering ample knowledge of the history of same sex relationships is important to consider in understanding how America developed into the homophobic society we know it as today.  Even individuals who are GLB are often ashamed of mannerisms that may out them.  GAT looks at society and takes note of important historical events that help shape our communities.  Only by learning and understanding the mistakes of the past can people be expected to make progress and GAT can be utilized to help not just GLB individuals but all LGBTQI people.

 Crompton (2003) investigates the lack of evidence behind the myth that Rome and Greece somehow failed as societies because same-sex relationships were tolerated and in some cases celebrated.  In the medieval world an interesting clash of values and art was produced.  Churchmen would write erotic poetry and then call it satire in order to disassociate themselves.  Analysis of poetry, art, and literature of Imperial China has shown an openness to sexuality rejected by the Western part of the world.  Same sex relationships were accepted and would continue to be for twenty-four centuries.  Unlike Greek ideas of noble and manly same-sex relationships, the Chinese saw male and male relationships as delicate and elegant.  The longest stretch of tolerance in human history occurred with the Chinese, until Communism replaced earlier values.  Although there is no official law prohibiting same-sex relationships, men are arrested under vague charges.  Historical attitudes towards homosexuals in Italy, Spain, France, England, and Japan are also discussed by Crompton (2003).  World views are extremely important to consider in multicultural counseling.  Together with Gay Affirmative Therapy(GAT), Multicultural Counseling (MCT) can be effectively utilized to further develop cohesiveness and growth in the therapeutic relationship.  GAT counseling should follow similar guidelines as MCT in reference to cross-cultural sensitivity and awareness.  For instance, a gay male from a strict Vietnamese upbringing would have different concerns to work through than a gay male from California.  In GAT a clinician is considerate of the multifaceted dimensions of the individual and exploration of one’s place in society.  Personally, I take an eclectic view of counseling and incorporate a modality that is best for the person sitting across from me.

Evolving Into The Solution Focused Brief Therapy Mindset

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Prior to meeting anyone in the field, my understanding of Solutioned Focused Brief Therapy was that it is a modality. That’s it. I honestly did not know what to expect. Arriving in Colorado for the SFBT Training with Teri Pichot, I noticed awesome new landscapes that I had never experienced before. My hope for SFBT is that it would be one more tool in my box of therapy knowledge. I thought it was right alongside Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, etcetera. I was WRONG. This new type of therapy is much more than just another way of therapy, it is a new way of thinking and approaching consumers.
Most clinicians are taught from a problem solving point of view, this is also true for myself. Learning to focus on solutions instead of problems is proving to be very difficult, but I am confident it is doable. I am currently attending the 2016 Annual SFBT Expo, where I am meeting a multitude of clinicians all with their own experiences of SFBT.
The more I hear, see, and practice the principles of SFBT, the more of a reality I see with consumers. Almost fully licensed, (I just have to submit my hours) I have decided the areas of focus I am interested in include substance abuse, trauma, lgbt issues, prison inmates, and life adjustments such as divorce, moving, work stress, weight loss, etcetera.
I am not yet sure how to fulfill all of my interests while working primarily with chemically dependent consumers, but I am determined and willing to work weekends. My best hopes for the next year is to implement the solution focused mindset effectively with consumers and with myself.
“Problem talk creates problems – Solution talk creates solutions”
Steve de Shazer (1940-2005)